Reality jokes in today's China

Reality jokes in today's China
05/02/2010

Secret China Staff



It would be funny if it wasn't true.

1.The guide to surviving earthquakes in China: Every other method will fail except this one. As soon as the earthquake hits, go inside the nearest building that has the national emblem. Trust me, you will be absolutely safe there. (Meaning the government buildings are always safer than those collapsed elementary school buildings that took thousands of lives due to the shoddy construction methods used to build them.)
2. Yesterday a friend of mine asked me, "How did you sleep last night? Share prices tumbled you know." I answered, "I slept like a baby." "Wow good for you, I admire your calmness," he said. I paused for a few seconds then said, "What I meant was I woke up crying several times in the middle of night."
3. Recently a reporter interviewed an old man who just turned 100 years old. "What is one thing that makes you happy to live in these times?" asked the reporter. The old man lowered his head and thought for a while. Finally he said, "Well, I do not have the pressure of trying to find a job like the young people nowadays have.”
4. A man said to a very good-looking girl, "I am a director." "Well if that is true, then I will do anything you like," the girl replied. "Actually I am a director of animation," the man said. The girl cried without saying anything. (Meaning the unwritten rule in the Chinese entertainment industry is that young female actors need to sacrifice themselves to get a job.)
5. I accidentally stepped on a cobra when I was standing at the side of the road the other day. The cobra was apparently very irritated and gave me a very hard bite. To my surprise I was fine, but the cobra unexpectedly died afterward. It puzzled me at first, and then I remembered all the recycled oil and milk with melamine I have consumed. That poor snake made a big mistake underestimating my ability to handle toxins.